I am writing this as I sit downstairs on the couch (my bed for the night) in my awesome flannel PJs that my best friend got me (Thank you Tina). Surrounded by blow up beds which my cousins will be sleeping on. My aunt, uncle and cousins are upstairs playing Yuker (an awesome card game). I’ve got the gusto channel on in the background and it’s making me hungry. (I’m not actually hungry though, as usual, I had more than one plate at Christmas.)
I wanted to write a “Merry Christmas” blog. And hopefully I will (it’s taken me about 10 minutes already just to write this because the food channel is distracting me).
It’ll be short though, the food and the drinks have me ready for bed.
I mostly just want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. I hope that you have all enjoyed the past 2 days. It’s been rainy and hot, which isn’t really the white Christmas we often hope for, but there is still some snow on the ground, and I must say I have enjoyed walking my dogs in the past two days without having to wear a tuque.
I also hope that you have been able to spend it with friends and family, be they great in number or small.
I must admit, this has been a bit of a hard Christmas for me. There have been many laughs and smiles, but there have also been some moments where I just needed to be alone and be sad. In those moments, I was sad but mad at myself at the same time. Mad and guilty because I felt like I should be happy. Christmas is a wonderful time of the year, a time to be merry. And I know that I am lucky to have such a wonderful family to celebrate with, and therefore I felt that I had no reason to be sad.
But I realize now, that I needn’t be so hard on myself. I am extremely thankful for all that I have. But it’s ok to be sad sometimes too, especially when you need to be sad. It sucked to be sad at Christmas of course, but it wasn’t all of Christmas, just certain moments. I think I am realizing for the first time how it is good for the soul to experience all emotions. I’ve always been so happy. And so as much as it sucks to feel sad, it almost feels good in a sense to let it take over you, and to let it penetrate you. To feel it completely and to recognize it for what it is. Only once you do this, can you grow stronger.
I do not mean for this to be a sad blog, on the contrary, I hope it is an inspiring blog. Life is meant to be lived fully. And you cannot live life fully without embracing everything and every feeling life has to offer. It is easy to hide, and easy to stay away from that which scares us. We let our fears dictate our lives too often. Instead, we need to simply take the jump, hop on the rollercoaster and enjoy every part of the ride. Embrace all moments, good and bad, and be thankful for the opportunity to do so.
So that is my Christmas rant.
To end, I think I’d like to quote the book I am currently reading (Tuesdays with Morrie). It goes as follows:
“If you don’t have the support and love and care and concern that you get from a family, you don’t have much at all.”
My family and friends have been nothing but supportive, caring, loving and concerned for me throughout my whole life, and especially in these past few months.
And so I feel like I do have it all, and I am so thankful that I can say that. So I would like to thank you all.
And I wish everyone the best for the New Year.
Dream big and chase your dreams, no matter how impossible they seem.